Tag Archives: Gary Chapman

What Does a Loving Person Look Like?

Post Author: Bill Pratt

This post is a little bit off the beat and path for Tough Questions Answered, but here goes anyway!

A couple nights ago, famed author and speaker Gary Chapman spoke at our church about his recent research and book project.  The subject was how to live a loving life.  Chapman interviewed people and asked them who the most loving people were that they knew.  He then asked them what it was about those people that made them loving.  He found that he could group their answers into 7 categories.

The first category is kindness.  Kindness is doing or saying something that is beneficial to others.

The second category is patience.  Patience is accepting the imperfections of others.

The third category is forgiveness .  Forgiveness is the ability to release someone who has wronged you to the justice of God, and not continue to hold on to the pain they caused you.

The fourth category is courtesy.  Courtesy is good manners and polite behavior.  Chapman listed several examples of courtesy, such as saying “thank you,” asking others if they need help, or looking people in the eye when you talk to them.  He stressed that the best way to be courteous is to think of every person you encounter as your friend.  We don’t treat friends badly, but we often are discourteous to strangers.

The fifth category is humility.  According to Chapman, humility is “stepping down so others can step up.”  Put others’ interests before your own.  Humility is not thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less.

The sixth category is generosity.  Generosity is the giving of your time, abilities, and money to help others.

The seventh category is honesty.  Honesty is, quite simply, telling the truth, even when you know it might hurt the person you’re speaking to.

If you want to be a loving person, and every Christian should, then these are the areas for you to work on.  I know I need to work on them, and I thought maybe I would share them with you, so that you, too, could become a more loving person.  With Christ’s help, it’s possible!

How Do I Stay Married?

Post Author: Bill Pratt 

This topic is a bit off the main theme of this blog, but this is an extremely important topic that all Christians must deal with.

My wife and I have been married 18 years, which isn’t any kind of world record, but is somewhat impressive, given the ongoing high divorce rate in the US.  We are sometimes asked (mostly my wife) how we have kept our marriage together, and we always tell people about the same thing.  I thought I would humbly submit this advice to our blog readers.

First of all, passionate romantic feelings are not the answer.  We do have feelings for each other, but they are constantly changing, and we do not count on them to keep our marriage going.  They are too fickle.

Marriage requires that two people have a common will to be committed to each other forever, and it requires that both partners understand each other, really understand each other in a deep way.

The first requirement is the most important.  If you are not 100% committed to each other, your marriage will struggle, and possibly fail.  Most people think they are committed to their spouse, but they are really only committed as long as their spouse makes them happy (provides them pleasure).  We submit that this is nothing but selfishness, and it will not make your marriage last.  Why?  Because what makes you happy is going to constantly change throughout your life.  No spouse, on their own, can possibly keep you happy your entire life.  If you think they can, you are truly foolish.

If the answer to commitment doesn’t lie in your spouse, where does it lie?  For us, it comes from a focus on God.  We are totally committed to God, and we know he loves marriage and hates divorce.  The closer we each get to God, the closer we get to each other.  Without God being at the center of our marriage, it is doubtful we would have stayed married for 18 years.  If you and your spouse don’t have God at the center of your lives, make it so.  You must start there.

The second requirement is knowing your spouse in a profound way.  My wife and I struggled with this in the early years of our marriage.  We really did not know each other, and we really did not know ourselves.  Men often assume that their wives should just intuitively know what they need from a marriage, and women often assume that their husbands should just intuitively know what they need from the marriage.  Unfortunately, it just doesn’t work that way.  I had no idea what my wife wanted and she didn’t know what I wanted.  That spells disaster if it isn’t corrected.

Here is where books can help.  Below are three books that can really help you understand yourself and your spouse – what you need from the marriage.  We cannot recommend these books enough.  Even years after reading these books, we refer back to them all the time.  They made that big of an impact on our marriage.

  1. His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage
  2. The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts
  3. Men Are Like Waffles–Women Are Like Spaghetti: Understanding and Delighting in Your Differences

If you are united in your love for God, and if you make every effort to understand and then meet your spouse’s needs, you will be on the road to a successful marriage – at least that’s been our experience.  I hope it’s yours as well.